4 Lessons in Love
Twin girls often sing and play instruments at the front of our church. Their music reverberates through the air and envelopes the room. My daughter fixates her eyes on them and absorbs the sounds. On a random Sunday service, my daughter’s eyes sparkled as a realization hit her. “I want to play music and perform at the front of the church,” she proclaimed.
I naturally signed my daughter up for piano lessons. Excitement filled my thoughts: Our untouched piano will finally be used; she’s going to love playing it; what a great way to start her music journey.
That was four years ago.
I knew piano lessons would change my daughter’s life. I didn’t expect it to change mine. The teacher poured love into my daughter’s soul amidst challenging behaviours. Witnessing this taught me life-enriching lessons in love. Here’s what I’ve learned:
· Listen with Intent
My daughter’s brain fires off many thoughts in varying directions every minute. She relays highlights from the day’s events at the beginning of her lesson. She then cycles through a pattern of playing piano and telling stories. The teacher listens with intent, asks questions, and sometimes even comments with life-giving advice. Being heard validates my daughter’s self worth. She feels cared for and important. The lesson ends with a smile on my daughter’s face.
The teacher’s attentiveness reminds me to look into my daughter’s eyes and offer her my full attention on a regular basis. It doesn’t matter how busy I am or how insignificant my daughter’s conversation may seem. Sometimes the conversation takes 30 seconds and sometimes it lingers longer, but it always satisfies and calms her.
· Engage with Joy
“I learned a new game,” my daughter exclaimed to her piano teacher part way through a lesson. The lesson paused and the two of them sang the See See My Playmate lyrics and performed the hand clapping motions. My daughter then returned to her lesson content and more engaged.
Playfulness builds attachment according to Dan Hughes, Attachment Therapist. I try to be mindful and engage in a playful manner on a regular basis. A funny face, a happy dance, or even a chase up the stairs reaps benefits that extend beyond what the eyes see. These little moments don’t require much time, but I sense the shared closeness.
· Persevere with Patience
My daughter lied on the floor during a piano lesson while the teacher explained a few concepts. “Get up,” I wanted to say but decided otherwise. Will this faze the teacher? I wondered. Nope – it didn’t. The teacher ignored her restlessness and persevered with patience.
Parenting my daughter challenges the best version of myself. Behaviours resulting from ADHD exhaust me. My instinct tells me to talk firm, my fatigue tells me to turn a blind eye, but my patience tells me to see the need behind the behaviour. Patience brings insight that determines the best course of action. I strive to persevere with patience daily.
· Set Boundaries with Love
My daughter’s attitude escalated to an unacceptable level a couple times during her piano lesson. A sulky demeanour, a refusal to listen, and a sharp tongue left the teacher with no choice. She cancelled her lesson on the spot. The teacher set boundaries.
Boundaries are important because they establish the rules of the relationship. Our golden family rule is to treat one another with respect. My daughter’s occasional insults exceed this boundary and results in consequences. The goal is to teach her acceptable behaviour.
My daughter played the piano at her piano recital last week after four years of being taught in a love-filled environment. She beamed as she played a few songs which included her three-minute composition. Her accomplishments amazed me. She’s progressing, and so I am, thanks to the lessons in love.